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Introducing Sex Toys into the Bedroom

Introducing Sex Toys into the Bedroom

It could be that you’re looking to get your partner a gift this year or maybe you’re just interested in trying something a little different. But, when incorporating a new sex toy in your relationship, although sex toys can add a sense of spice to your relationship, there are many things to take into consideration as it can get a bit tricky. What may work wonderfully during a bit of me-time doesn’t always translate to that sought-after outer-body experience. There are oodles of rabbits, bullets, eggs and even wands out there for that adventurous woman……. but it’s few and far between that you find couples sex toys that keep leaving you both wanting more.

WHEN IS IT RIGHT TO INTRODUCE SEX TOYS INTO THE BEDROOM?

Wait until you’ve had a few rendezvous together and have built up a good level of trust both inside and out of the bedroom. You can help speed up the process by giving your partner lots of praise when he hits those pleasure spots – once he’s self-assured that he’s satisfying you sexually, proposing the idea of a sex toy to heighten both of your pleasure will be far better received.

EASE INTO THE CONVERSATION GENTLY

One way to ease the subject of sex toys into the conversation is to find some articles on sex toys and the amount of pleasure you can have with them, then introduce it to him by saying: “I found this interesting blog on how sex toys can be a lot of fun, have a read”. This allows you to see your partner’s reaction; it’ll also allow a discussion about sex toys to flow naturally between you. Another fun and popular way is to make it part of your pillow talk! (Start with, “I think it would be so hot to …” We’re sure you’ll find an appropriate end to that sentence.)

REASSURE YOUR MAN

The main thought that goes through a man’s head when this topic comes up is “Am I not good enough?”. It’s imperative to be able to explain why you’d like to introduce a sex toy. Make it clear that a sex toy is no substitute for the emotional closeness you feel when you are sexually intimate with him. The last thing you want him to feel is a sense of inadequacy. Focus on what you already love about him and reassure that big softie that it will help add even more fun and reach a new level of intimacy and as always, he’s your superhero!

SHOP FOR SEX TOYS TOGETHER

Shopping online at an online sex toy shop like Belle De Soir is a great chance for you and your partner to connect and discuss toys you may like. Being able to browse in the comfort of your own home will make it easier for you to talk openly about what you may like to try. Once you become accustomed to looking at different sex toys together it will be a lot of fun too! At the same time, this provides another opportunity for you to gauge how he feels towards it…. If your partner is intimidated by the thought of a toy “replacing him”, begin with toys that are less threatening: a small one that doesn’t look exactly like a penis may be a good introductory toy…… like the Flower Power Bullet.

LET YOUR PARTNER CONTROL YOUR PLEASURE

To avoid your partner seeing a sex toy as competition you can start off with a remote toy that lets him remain in control of your pleasure. It’ll be a very carnal experience for him to control the powerful sensations as he teases you to orgasm from a distance, plus he gets to feel he’s wearing the big boy pants.

WHAT WE SUGGEST

Last but not least, we’d like to put forward our thoughts for our favourite couple’s vibrators…… The infamous We Vibe Classic. Granted, it’s a bit of a mouth-full and sounds quite the opposite of a romantic gift, however…… unlike many other toys, it is one you wear. It’s Controlled by an App that can be easily downloaded on both IOs and Android devices, it can be controlled from anywhere in the world through Bluetooth and the app allows for you to facetime whilst doing it…..errr…. using it. With The We Vibe Classic, you can create and name your preferred vibration patterns, strength and duration, which makes for a smooth process of bringing him out mid-adult-cuddle.

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News

National Masturbation Month

Celebrating National Masturbation Month

From the We-Vibe Masturbation Report

The first annual We-Vibe Masturbation Report is an analysis of qualitative and quantitative research from men and women across the United States, ranging in age from 20-70, identifying as single, in a relationship, or married. The study of 600 U.S. respondents provides insight into overall sentiment around masturbation, attitudes toward the use of sex toys, frequency of masturbation, and overall masturbation habits.

Talkin ‘bout my masturbation

Overall, 85% say they are more comfortable talking about masturbation in general now than they have been in the past. The major theme associated with this newfound sense of comfort with this topic is that they cite it as being “less taboo” thanks to TV, movies, the availability of information via Google and online search. A whopping 69% of respondents have talked about masturbating with a friend or group of friend (32% frequently and 63% just a few times). Millennials were far more comfortable speaking about masturbation with a friend or group of friends over older generations. 85% of millennials (aged 22-34) reported talking about masturbation with friends, compared to only 65% of Gen-Xers (AGE). Men were more likely to talk about masturbation with friends than women (34% vs. 29%).

When it all began

Most respondents reported beginning their masturbation journey between the age of 13-19 (45%), regardless of gender. However, 20% of women reported that they did not begin masturbating until they were into their early twenties!

Feeling frisky

The vast majority of respondents have a very healthy and positive relationship with masturbation. 87% of participants masturbate because they feel “in the mood” or stimulated (55%), regardless of gender. Other reasons for masturbation include stress or anxiety (38%), boredom (26%) and excitement (21%).

After masturbation, 76% of participants reported feeling satisfied and 59% reported feeling de-stressed or relaxed; around 1/3 of participants also report feeling happy. Negative emotions associated with masturbation (such as shame, regret or loneliness) were rare, occurring only in very low percentages (between 1-5%)

Get out of my dreams, and into my car

The most common places respondents favored for masturbation were their bedroom (80%) or their shower/bathroom (31%). Men also favored the couch as a favorite place for doing the deed (23%). Interestingly, the car was the third most popular destination for self pleasure! 20% of men and 19% of women reported the car as the most unusual place they’ve masturbated. 19% of those who responded they have masturbated in a car, 35% were from the Midwest. If you’re looking for Bob from accounting, knock first before entering! 6% of men reported masturbating at the office. Other unusual places reported include planes, trains and buses.

It doesn’t take a vacation to inspire a little R&R. 98% of respondents reported masturbating at home, while only 32% reported masturbating on leisure vacation and 22% reported masturbating while on business travel.

Baby, it’s cold outside

Cold. Hard. Nights. When temperatures go down, masturbation rates increase. 82% of participants reported masturbating the most during winter months. The most common preferred times of day respondents reported masturbating was in the evening (58%) or at night (51%). However, a quarter of women responded they enjoy a little afternoon delight.

Tools of the Trade

More than half of the women surveyed (55%) reported masturbating once per week or more. This doesn’t mean they are on their own! 50% use the vibrator weekly on their own versus 27% with their partner; 50% say it’s easier to climax when masturbating than with a partner.

When it comes to getting in the mood, more than half of respondents find their own imagination is sufficient in getting the job done (53%). However, men reported having much higher use of visuals for stimulation while women were more auditory. 57% reported that they watch adult content, 81% of which were male. 20% reported listening to music, 35% of which were aged 46-55, compared to only 3.7% of millennials (22-34). Women were two times more likely than men to listen to music as part of a general routine when masturbating (26% vs. 11%).

With or without you

Masturbation isn’t a singles only sport. In fact, 3 in 4 women reported that they were just as likely to masturbate while in a relationship. 59% stated that there is no difference in the frequency in of their masturbation, regardless of their relationship status. And they don’t care who knows it! 61% of respondents stated that their significant other knows that they masturbate and said they weren’t sure if their significant other knew. In fact, 39% of respondents stated that they
masturbate in front of their significant other.

63% of respondents said they were more likely to achieve an orgasm alone than with a partner, 68% of which were female and 75% of which were aged 46-54. Here is where the tools would be handy! Of the vibrator users surveyed, 27% say they use their vibrator with their partner and 50% find it easier to climax this way

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Sex

Sex in public

Sex in public – what’s the worst that could happen?

What’s the worst place you’ve ever had sex? Most people who’ve been relatively adventurous might have run the risk of getting caught, but could you do worse than this couple, who were arrested for having sex in a bus shelter in broad daylight?

Residents of Penzance in Cornwall phoned the police with complaints after spotting drunk couple Demelza Lentell and Jamie Lynn getting it on in public. The pair told the police that they’d both drunk so much they didn’t know what they were doing, but onlookers got the full picture, as it were.

To be fair, anyone who braves the British weather for a spot of alfresco sex is clearly more adventurous than most, and perhaps the judge agrees. Although the couple were charged with ‘outraging public decency’, they managed to avoid a prison sentence.

But it got us thinking – while a bus shelter is a fairly low bar in terms of romance – what are the worst possible places to have sex?

Sex In a car

It’s not unusual to get down to things in a car – sexy make-outs in the back seat of a taxi or some private time when someone’s given you a lift home. But cars can be dangerous places, not least because – even in the most remote lay by – you still risk a knock on the window from the police.

Actress Gillian Taylforth was famously caught with her fiancee in a lay by. The couple denied doing anything sexy, but that didn’t stop the police from intervening in what they thought looked like an intimate moment.

Better alternative: if you’re going to risk having an impulsive moment, you’re best off doing it on private property. Got a friend with a country house and a long driveway? That might be the best bet. Oh, and don’t forget to switch the engine off, and steer clear of the handbrake. Nothing kills the mood like the moment when you realise you’re rolling downhill…

Sex In a country where it’s illegal

If you’re considering sex on a beach, this story completely overshadows any concerns about sand ・ one couple was jailed for three months after having sex on a beach in Dubai. The country has very strict public decency laws, as well as a specific law forbidding sex outside marriage.

The pair claimed they weren’t having sex at all – just kissing and hugging – and that the people who reported them had just misconstrued what was going on. That didn’t stop the judge passing a three-month sentence, though, and the poor pair were put in jail.

Better alternative: if you’re travelling abroad, and you’re not sure about the laws of the country, it’s best to keep things inside your hotel room. We’ve got some recommendations for the top romantic holiday destinations if you’re planning a sexy 2015 – just make sure you don’t get into trouble!

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Sex

The most popular sexual fantasies

What are the most popular sexual fantasies?

If you had to guess what the most popular sexual fantasies were, you might go for some of the classics: threesomes, role play, maybe a bit of bondage. But a recent study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine shows that there’s much more to sexual fantasies than you might think.

Researchers from the University of Montreal surveyed over 1,500 men and women about their sexual fantasies, giving them 55 common ones and asking them to rank them, as well as to describe one of their sexual fantasies in detail. Their aim was to find out just how common certain desires were, and what counted as an ‘atypical’ fantasy. You might be surprised at how romantic the results were.

Most common fantasies

When asked to rank the statements about sexual fantasies chosen by the researchers, the top results were:

–      I like to feel romantic emotions during a sexual relationship

–      Taking part in oral sex

–      Having sex in an unusual place

–      Atmosphere and location are important in my sexual fantasies

–      Having sex in a romantic location

It looks like the people who participated in the study were keen to get down to it in a variety of interesting and romantic places. Maybe they need to head to one of the sexiest holiday destinations we recommended over the summer…

How common are your fantasies?

You might have wondered before just how common your own sexual fantasies are. If you dream of being tied up, are you unusual? Or is that quite a typical fantasy?

The researchers distinguished between ‘rare’, ‘unusual’, ‘common’ and ‘typical’ fantasies, so if you find yours on the list you can work out just where you fit in terms of the general population.

Rare fantasies are those favoured by 2.3% or less of the people surveyed. These include things like having sex with an animal. Unusual fantasies are those with 15.9% or less, like having your sexual partner urinate on you (or vice versa).

Common means ‘more than 50%’, and quite a few BDSM fantasies fall into this category, while ‘typical’ (over 84.1%) includes the top 5 list above.

Sexual fantasies more popular with men

Unsurprisingly, given that 85% of the respondents identified as straight, one of the most popular male fantasies was ‘having sex with two women’, and just watching two women make love came out pretty high on the guy’s list as well.

Sadly for the guys who are keen to fulfil this particular fantasy, fewer than 50% of women responded positively to either of these.

Sexual fantasies that won’t be fulfilled

Interestingly, the study also highlighted the fact that some participants wanted the fantasies to remain purely in their heads: they never actually wanted to carry them out. Although plenty of women had fantasies involving submission, many said that they didn’t want these things to actually happen: the fantasy was a turn-on, but they wouldn’t want it to happen in real life.

There are certain fantasies which are unlikely to happen in real life because they’re difficult to do: threesomes, group sex, and if you’re strapped for cash then anything that involves having sex on a gorgeous white sandy beach might have to be put on the back burner! But there are many more things which are unlikely to happen because the person who dreams of it has decided that in real life it wouldn’t be nearly as fun as it is in their head.

Do you think your fantasies are common, or rare? And do you have fantasies that you think you’ll never want, or be able to, carry out?

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Sex Toys

Sex toy brands

Does a sex toy brand matter to you?

Ten or twenty years ago, the idea of knowing what ‘brand’ of sex toy you were buying would have seemed a bit unusual. While you’d go for a particular type of toy there were few people who would seek out a particular brand.

Now, though, there’s much more variety in terms of sex toys, and many people have a preference for specific brands. Whether it’s the quality of the products, the innovation, or the style, many people prefer a particular brand when it comes to choosing the toys they really want. So what does each brand offer? Here are some of the top brands on Belle de Soir. Do you have a favourite?

Lelo

Lelo produces a huge range of sex toys and accessories, from rabbit vibrators such as the Lelo Soraya to silk cuffs and suede whips. Lelo is one of the more prestigious brands on the market – the company describes itself as a ‘designer’ brand, and if there were a Calvin Klein of sex toys, Lelo would probably be it.

As a result of their ‘designer’ aspirations, their products are a bit pricier than others, but they’re very high-quality, and seriously stylish.

Ovo

Like Lelo, Ovo also produces stylishly designed toys, and their brand focus is on innovation and really good engineering. They produce everything from cock rings to mini vibrators, and their design has won awards around the globe. Their products are generally lower budget than the Lelo ones, but they still have a serious focus on quality: all of their products come with a 15 year manufacturer’s warranty.

WeVibe

WeVibe is all about innovation. They have one key product, which is a sex toy that stimulates a woman both internally and externally at the same time, and it can also be used during sex. The standard WeVibe4 comes with a remote control, meaning that you can adjust the vibrations while you’re having sex.

But their most intriguing innovation is the WeVibe4 Plus – the same toy but it comes with both a remote control and an app. So not only can you control the pulse and pattern of vibrations from your phone, but it works across a long distance. If you’re in a long distance relationship, or even just down the road, and you want your partner to be able to turn you on at the push of a button, then the WeVibe4 Plus is for you!

Bondage brands

If you prefer your play a bit rough, you’ll probably be aware of a couple of bondage brands. The top three on Belle de Soir are Fetish Fantasy,  and Fifty Shades of Grey.

After the success of the blockbuster book, it was surely inevitable that there’d be a range of ‘Fifty Shades’ sex toys. The toys are aimed at anyone who is interested in trying bondage and spanking, and they’re often bundled in kits, like the Beginners’ Bondage Kit, so if you’re looking to get started and bring bondage into the bedroom, you have a selection of toys to play with.

The Fetish Fantasy range includes more ‘extreme’ toys – including sex furniture and strap ons, and the Sex & Mischief range is a mix of ‘beginners’ toys and some that are more experimental – such as their combination wrist and ankle spreader bar.

Tenga

Tenga is a brand that is really making a name for itself with innovative and stylish male sex toys. While brands like Fleshlight focus on realistic-looking masturbation sleeves (that look like mouths or vaginas), Tenga goes for innovative geometric designs that look more like ornaments than body parts.

Tenga masturbators are available either as ‘one use’ (although you can usually use these a few times) disposable products or as more substantial masturbators that can be used over and over again. The different textures create a huge range of different sensations, and – in our opinion – the products themselves are beautiful and eminently collectable!

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News

Real life sex stories

Real life sex stories courtesy of the top sex bloggers

If you don’t follow many sex bloggers, now’s a great chance to get to know your favourites. This month there are two key sex blog competitions – both aiming to highlight the hottest and most informative sex writing from around the world.

Kinkly is accepting votes for your favourite bloggers, and Between My Sheets is taking nominations for the best ones too.

We thought it’d be a good chance to introduce you to some of the people who were voted into Kinkly’s top 100 sex bloggers last year. So without further ado, here are some fantastic real-life sex stories.

Warm up with Jilly Boyd…

There’s a gorgeous tingling anticipation when you realise there’s a sexual possibility. That knowing look that you share with your partner, or a secret fantasy that flashes through your head. We just love this evocative post from Jilly Boyd (aka Lady Laid Bare) in which she talks about those ‘could have’ moments…

“My hand was already hovering on the waistband of my trousers, and I imagined what it would be like if, just like that, I slipped it in and tried to find my pleasure.”

Wake up with Hyacinth…

The excellent Hyacinth from ‘A Dissolute Life Means…’ tells some wonderful true stories on her blog. She captures the fun and playfulness of relationships along with deeply sexual stories. One of her recent tales involves an early morning wake-up call that’ll definitely get your heart racing…

“We writhed and moaned and I filled my nostrils with his scent, his beard scratched my neck and cheek and face.  I began to lose myself in the movements and my demure little moans morphed into bursts of sound as he slammed into me.”

Go out with Symone…

This one’s an older post, but well worth catching up with if you’ve never read Symone’s blog. It’s a true-life account of a visit to a Toronto sex club. It’s not about leaping into an orgy, and joining the sweaty tangle of limbs: the whole post is about voyeurism, and the joy of watching other people.

“The foursome was intense and rough while the couple of the bed beside them was slow and sensual. For some time I was very taken by the couple. You could really see how much they loved each other in the way they kissed and touched, the way they looked into each other’s eyes and it was very beautiful to watch.”

And wind down with Evoë…

Do you ever get those times when you know sex is the only thing that will relieve your stress or tension? Well, this one’s for you. A playful, honest, intense story about stress and sex, and that ‘I simply have to have you‘ moment…

“Even before the car came to a full stop in the small dark deserted public parking lot, we were passionately making out. His hand was down my shirt, trying to liberate my breasts, or at least my nipples.”

If you liked these stories, and any of the others we’ve linked to from our blog, please do go and vote for your favourite sex bloggers over at Kinkly or BetweenMySheets. We won’t tell you who we’re voting for, but the good news is you can vote for more than one. Because with so much great stuff, how could anyone pick between them?

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Sex

Observer sex survey

Observer sex survey – what is the sexual ‘average’?

This week the Observer released some data from a huge sex survey, carried out across the whole of the UK. Their aim was to update results they’d gathered in 2008, and find out whether anything significant had changed since they first peeked into our bedrooms six years ago….

Now, before we go any further it’s worth pointing out that the survey has been criticised by academic researchers in the field – not least by Dr Petra Boynton, who explained exactly why the 2008 survey was flawed:

Observer=latest to churn out poor sex study http://t.co/mD9odywCH1 a follow up on shonky effort from 2008 http://t.co/RneAmY5Y3Y /cont

— Petra Boynton (@DrPetra) September 28, 2014

So we’re not going to tell you that the survey results are right, but they do raise some interesting questions and provide a good opportunity to explore what matters to each of us, so we thought we’d throw one of the biggest questions open to you.

How often do you have sex each month?

One of the headline findings from their research was – they announced – that couples in the UK seem to be having much less sex now than they did six years ago. In 2008 they reported that the ‘average’ was seven times a month, but in 2014 that has apparently gone down to just four times a month.

Some people reported having sex up to thirty times a month – roughly once a day – while others said that in a typical month they’d probably not have sex at all.

Thing is, an average here can be pretty meaningless when you’re talking about people’s sex lives. Why? Because sex isn’t necessarily about quantity – having an awesome sex life is all about making sure that you’re enjoying what you’re doing when you’re doing it. Some couples will have an ‘ideal’ number of once or twice a week, whereas others will prefer to have sex far more frequently. Others might rather skip quickies but have one amazing night together each month.

We often hear the question of whether size matters – but does quantity matter to you? When survey figures like this are reported there’s often a lot of sadness that people aren’t having sex as frequently as they used to be, but what if the sex people are having is better and more fulfilling?

With more sex toys on the market – for women, men, and for couples to use together – our regular sex lives may have changed beyond what past generations could imagine. At Belle de Soir we want people to have pleasurable, passionate sex – whether they’re having it once a month or three times a day.

What do you think? Is there an ‘average’ that you aim for in your relationship? Would you be disappointed if you and your partner had less sex? Or are you happy with the amount you’re getting at the moment?

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Guides Sex Toys

New ways to use your sex toys

New ways to use your sex toys

If you’ve got a wand, a bullet vibe, or a strap on, hopefully our tips on New ways to use your sex toys will get your mind racing with ideas! So, you’ve bought that amazing bullet vibrator and had a lot of fun with it, but you’re looking for a few new ways you can use it in the bedroom. That’s where we come in! Most sex toys can be used in a variety of different ways to provide a range of sensations, but we’re here to show you some new ways to use your sex toys.

A couple of general tips before we start: communication is the best skill to have in the bedroom, so when you’re trying out new uses for toys, ask your partner to give you lots of feedback. While we can give you some ideas, you never know you’ve hit the jackpot until you get those appreciative ‘ooh’s and ‘aah’s. And secondly – always make sure you read the instructions. While you’re usually fine to use dildos anally as well as vaginally, there are some toys which are designed for a specific use, and shouldn’t be put elsewhere: kegel balls, for instance, are usually designed for vaginal use rather than anal, so if you’re looking for an anal toy it’s often best to browse the ones that are specifically aimed at that.

With health and safety out of the way – let’s begin! Here are three popular sex toys, along with suggestions on ways you can use them that your partner won’t necessarily expect…

Wand toys

Believe it or not, the stories about wand massagers such as the Doxy are true – they can be used for massage as well as masturbation! If you’ve been turned on to the joys of a Doxy wand, it might be hard for you to think of using it as a massage tool rather than a sex toy, but trust us – it works!

If you’ve got a wand toy (and we believe every home should have one!) then pressing the end firmly into muscles can be incredibly relaxing. Begin on a low setting, then gradually get stronger.

Although they might not have the same effect on a man as on a woman, the heavy throbbing vibrations can still feel good to him, especially during the build up to sex. Why not begin by giving him a deep massage, pressing the wand into his muscles – thighs, back, bum – then gradually moving down between his legs. It’ll certainly give him something new to think about!

Bullet vibes

When you think of bullet vibrators your first thought is probably the clitoris. Compact and easy to use, bullet vibes are great for clitoral stimulation. No matter what position you’re in, it’s usually easy to hold a bullet against your most sensitive spots and add an extra tingle of pleasure.

But they can be used for other things too. Although the nerve endings on a penis aren’t as close together and numerous as they are on a clit, there are areas of the penis which are more sensitive than others. The frenulum is the area just below the glans – where the foreskin joins to the head. Using lube and a gentle touch with a bullet vibe you can gently stimulate this area, and give him a brand new sensation.

Don’t forget the nipples too – male nipples can be just as sensitive as female ones, and bullet vibes are often really handy for getting the precise stimulation to that area. If you’re looking for a long, slow build up, using bullet vibrators on your own or your partner’s nipples can be a fantastic way to tease during foreplay.

Strap-ons

If you read and enjoyed our list of top dominant blogs, and fancy having a go at taking control, there are plenty of things you can do that flip his expectations and keep him on his toes.

Asking him to wear a strap on might initially seem strange, but the aim of the game is to get him to ‘serve’ you, in the purest sense he can. Let him know that he’s in for a night of servicing you – focusing only on your pleasure. Then, when he wears a strap on to have sex with you, you’re getting everything you want while he longs to feel the pleasure himself.

If you don’t have a strap on, you can get the same effect by giving him one or two of your favourite toys. Whether it’s a dildo, a vibe, or a wand toy, teaching him to use them on you exactly as you like it can be powerfully erotic – and gives you the chance to take control.

So there you have it – three new ways to use your sex toys. Do you have any other suggestions? Please do share them in the comments!

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News

The male contraceptive

The male contraceptive could be here by 2017 – would you use it?

This week the news broke that by 2017 there could be a simple, effective male contraceptive available on the market. That’s just three years away!

Apart from condoms – one of the most common forms of contraception – most options on the market are designed for women to use. The birth control pill, the injection, the coil and the implant: all are methods that require a woman to take control. Previous experiments with male contraceptive pills have been met with criticism or uncertainty – many women worry that with a pill, they’re reliant on their partner’s memory to make sure they don’t get pregnant.

How will the male contraceptive work? 

The solution announced this week is different to ‘male pill’ suggestions, in that it’s a long-term contraceptive that doesn’t require a regular reminder. The contraceptive is called Vasalgel – it involves blocking the vas deferens, which is the tube that transports sperm from the testes to the penis. This is the tube that is usually cut during a vasectomy (hence the name!).

Using the gel, the tube can be blocked and sperm prevented from entering the seminal fluid, meaning that while a guy might have an orgasm and ejaculate, he won’t be releasing any of the sperm itself.

The best news is that while it’s a long term solution (the gel will stay there for as long as it needs to) it can be easily reversed. So it can be used for contraception in the early stages of a relationship, then reversed if the couple decide to have children later down the line.

What’s the down side? 

If your’e thinking that sounds great! Sign me/my partner up straight away! you might want to pause for a second. It’s not quite as simple as a pill or a potion – Vasalgel involves an injection into the scrotum. A number of men have shied away from the idea, and writers such as Jessica Valenti have suggested that the injection could be a real stumbling block for guys who would otherwise have considered this contraceptive option.

What do you think – would you (or your partner) be happy to try Vasalgel? Or do you think that it is too invasive? Whether you’re a woman sick of taking all the responsibility (not to mention the effects that can come from taking hormonal contraception) this might sound like music to your ears. Or if you’re a guy who’s keen to be a pioneer of the new style of contraception, you might be counting the days until you can pop to the doctor for a quick injection, and guarantee you’re not going to make your partner pregnant.

In the meantime, though, there’s always condoms, and while Vasalgel might be the answer to your contraceptive questions, we bet it doesn’t come in cherry flavour.

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Guides Sex

Phone Sex

How not to have phone sex (and how to do it right)

Ever since we’ve had phones, we’ve had phone sex. Just as we’ll always be tempted to use digital cameras to snap sexy pictures, tech will always be used for sex – we just can’t help ourselves. This week we’re giving a run-down on phone sex: how not to do it, and some tips to make it amazing.

This week a Councillor in Wigan was disciplined for running up a £2,400 mobile phone bill by calling sex chat lines. Robert Bleakley – the councillor in question – has had his phone removed and has been banned from speaking to women in the workplace.

That second bit might sound a bit harsh to you – after all, calling sex chat lines isn’t exactly a crime – until you realise that he broke two of the key rules about how not to have phone sex.

How not to have phone sex

Rule one: never ever use your work phone. Just don’t. Same goes for browsing porn. If your phone was given to you by your employer, they can take it off you at any time, so it’s not the best place to store your secrets. It’s hard to believe that we have say this, but it turns out that politicians just aren’t as sensible as the rest of us.

Rule two: always be respectful. While there might not be any ‘in and out’, phone sex is still sex of a kind, so respect for the other person is vital. This is something the councillor forgot, demonstrating instead a complete lack of respect for women. When they seized the phone his bosses found texts describing women as “just cooking and washing material.” Charming.

Rule three: if you get caught breaking the rules above, thank your lucky stars you weren’t fired, because you probably deserve to be. Still, we assume none of our readers would fall into these traps, and for those of you who fancy some dirty chat, here are our tips on how to have great phone sex.

Better ways to have phone sex

Practise! Whether you’re just on your own (there’s no harm in talking to yourself – it’s all in a good cause!) or with your partner, swapping stories back and forward to try and work out what you both find hot, practise really does make perfect.

Perhaps the most important thing is to understand which words each of you likes to use. We’re not all erotica writers, and there’s nothing worse than a misplaced ‘throbbing member’ if you’re trying to keep your partner horny. Likewise you don’t necessarily want to get too medical and sound like you’re in the doctor’s surgery.

Accessorize! As you have to balance your phone in one hand it can sometimes be difficult to masturbate during phone sex. So it’s the perfect excuse to pick up your favourite toy ・ not that you really need an excuse, of course! Most sex toys are pretty easy to use one-handed, although men might prefer to use something like the Pulse ・ a masturbator that can even be used hands-free. For women we’d recommend whatever your favourite vaginal or clitoral vibe is ・ a rabbit vibrator, for instance, or a simple clitoral vibrator. The main thing is it should be something fairly quiet – after all, you don’t want something to drown out your practised sex chat.

If you want to really push the boat out, there are sex toys available that your partner can use on you even if he’s not in the same room. The amazing We Vibe 4 Plus comes with an app that controls the vibrations. Give your partner control of the app, and he can adjust the vibrations even if he’s on another continent, hearing your reaction to the different vibration patterns and building you to an intense orgasm.

As we said at the beginning, wherever there’s a technology, someone will be using it for sex. And with the advances in both sex toys and apps, combining the two so that you can play with your partner even over a long distance – surely this is the ultimate phone sex experience? At least, until someone invents the next big thing…