National Masturbation Month

Celebrating National Masturbation Month

From the We-Vibe Masturbation Report

The first annual We-Vibe Masturbation Report is an analysis of qualitative and quantitative research from men and women across the United States, ranging in age from 20-70, identifying as single, in a relationship, or married. The study of 600 U.S. respondents provides insight into overall sentiment around masturbation, attitudes toward the use of sex toys, frequency of masturbation, and overall masturbation habits.

Talkin ‘bout my masturbation

Overall, 85% say they are more comfortable talking about masturbation in general now than they have been in the past. The major theme associated with this newfound sense of comfort with this topic is that they cite it as being “less taboo” thanks to TV, movies, the availability of information via Google and online search. A whopping 69% of respondents have talked about masturbating with a friend or group of friend (32% frequently and 63% just a few times). Millennials were far more comfortable speaking about masturbation with a friend or group of friends over older generations. 85% of millennials (aged 22-34) reported talking about masturbation with friends, compared to only 65% of Gen-Xers (AGE). Men were more likely to talk about masturbation with friends than women (34% vs. 29%).

When it all began

Most respondents reported beginning their masturbation journey between the age of 13-19 (45%), regardless of gender. However, 20% of women reported that they did not begin masturbating until they were into their early twenties!

Feeling frisky

The vast majority of respondents have a very healthy and positive relationship with masturbation. 87% of participants masturbate because they feel “in the mood” or stimulated (55%), regardless of gender. Other reasons for masturbation include stress or anxiety (38%), boredom (26%) and excitement (21%).

After masturbation, 76% of participants reported feeling satisfied and 59% reported feeling de-stressed or relaxed; around 1/3 of participants also report feeling happy. Negative emotions associated with masturbation (such as shame, regret or loneliness) were rare, occurring only in very low percentages (between 1-5%)

Get out of my dreams, and into my car

The most common places respondents favored for masturbation were their bedroom (80%) or their shower/bathroom (31%). Men also favored the couch as a favorite place for doing the deed (23%). Interestingly, the car was the third most popular destination for self pleasure! 20% of men and 19% of women reported the car as the most unusual place they’ve masturbated. 19% of those who responded they have masturbated in a car, 35% were from the Midwest. If you’re looking for Bob from accounting, knock first before entering! 6% of men reported masturbating at the office. Other unusual places reported include planes, trains and buses.

It doesn’t take a vacation to inspire a little R&R. 98% of respondents reported masturbating at home, while only 32% reported masturbating on leisure vacation and 22% reported masturbating while on business travel.

Baby, it’s cold outside

Cold. Hard. Nights. When temperatures go down, masturbation rates increase. 82% of participants reported masturbating the most during winter months. The most common preferred times of day respondents reported masturbating was in the evening (58%) or at night (51%). However, a quarter of women responded they enjoy a little afternoon delight.

Tools of the Trade

More than half of the women surveyed (55%) reported masturbating once per week or more. This doesn’t mean they are on their own! 50% use the vibrator weekly on their own versus 27% with their partner; 50% say it’s easier to climax when masturbating than with a partner.

When it comes to getting in the mood, more than half of respondents find their own imagination is sufficient in getting the job done (53%). However, men reported having much higher use of visuals for stimulation while women were more auditory. 57% reported that they watch adult content, 81% of which were male. 20% reported listening to music, 35% of which were aged 46-55, compared to only 3.7% of millennials (22-34). Women were two times more likely than men to listen to music as part of a general routine when masturbating (26% vs. 11%).

With or without you

Masturbation isn’t a singles only sport. In fact, 3 in 4 women reported that they were just as likely to masturbate while in a relationship. 59% stated that there is no difference in the frequency in of their masturbation, regardless of their relationship status. And they don’t care who knows it! 61% of respondents stated that their significant other knows that they masturbate and said they weren’t sure if their significant other knew. In fact, 39% of respondents stated that they
masturbate in front of their significant other.

63% of respondents said they were more likely to achieve an orgasm alone than with a partner, 68% of which were female and 75% of which were aged 46-54. Here is where the tools would be handy! Of the vibrator users surveyed, 27% say they use their vibrator with their partner and 50% find it easier to climax this way


Real life sex stories

Real life sex stories courtesy of the top sex bloggers

If you don’t follow many sex bloggers, now’s a great chance to get to know your favourites. This month there are two key sex blog competitions – both aiming to highlight the hottest and most informative sex writing from around the world.

Kinkly is accepting votes for your favourite bloggers, and Between My Sheets is taking nominations for the best ones too.

We thought it’d be a good chance to introduce you to some of the people who were voted into Kinkly’s top 100 sex bloggers last year. So without further ado, here are some fantastic real-life sex stories.

Warm up with Jilly Boyd…

There’s a gorgeous tingling anticipation when you realise there’s a sexual possibility. That knowing look that you share with your partner, or a secret fantasy that flashes through your head. We just love this evocative post from Jilly Boyd (aka Lady Laid Bare) in which she talks about those ‘could have’ moments…

“My hand was already hovering on the waistband of my trousers, and I imagined what it would be like if, just like that, I slipped it in and tried to find my pleasure.”

Wake up with Hyacinth…

The excellent Hyacinth from ‘A Dissolute Life Means…’ tells some wonderful true stories on her blog. She captures the fun and playfulness of relationships along with deeply sexual stories. One of her recent tales involves an early morning wake-up call that’ll definitely get your heart racing…

“We writhed and moaned and I filled my nostrils with his scent, his beard scratched my neck and cheek and face.  I began to lose myself in the movements and my demure little moans morphed into bursts of sound as he slammed into me.”

Go out with Symone…

This one’s an older post, but well worth catching up with if you’ve never read Symone’s blog. It’s a true-life account of a visit to a Toronto sex club. It’s not about leaping into an orgy, and joining the sweaty tangle of limbs: the whole post is about voyeurism, and the joy of watching other people.

“The foursome was intense and rough while the couple of the bed beside them was slow and sensual. For some time I was very taken by the couple. You could really see how much they loved each other in the way they kissed and touched, the way they looked into each other’s eyes and it was very beautiful to watch.”

And wind down with Evoë…

Do you ever get those times when you know sex is the only thing that will relieve your stress or tension? Well, this one’s for you. A playful, honest, intense story about stress and sex, and that ‘I simply have to have you‘ moment…

“Even before the car came to a full stop in the small dark deserted public parking lot, we were passionately making out. His hand was down my shirt, trying to liberate my breasts, or at least my nipples.”

If you liked these stories, and any of the others we’ve linked to from our blog, please do go and vote for your favourite sex bloggers over at Kinkly or BetweenMySheets. We won’t tell you who we’re voting for, but the good news is you can vote for more than one. Because with so much great stuff, how could anyone pick between them?


The male contraceptive

The male contraceptive could be here by 2017 – would you use it?

This week the news broke that by 2017 there could be a simple, effective male contraceptive available on the market. That’s just three years away!

Apart from condoms – one of the most common forms of contraception – most options on the market are designed for women to use. The birth control pill, the injection, the coil and the implant: all are methods that require a woman to take control. Previous experiments with male contraceptive pills have been met with criticism or uncertainty – many women worry that with a pill, they’re reliant on their partner’s memory to make sure they don’t get pregnant.

How will the male contraceptive work? 

The solution announced this week is different to ‘male pill’ suggestions, in that it’s a long-term contraceptive that doesn’t require a regular reminder. The contraceptive is called Vasalgel – it involves blocking the vas deferens, which is the tube that transports sperm from the testes to the penis. This is the tube that is usually cut during a vasectomy (hence the name!).

Using the gel, the tube can be blocked and sperm prevented from entering the seminal fluid, meaning that while a guy might have an orgasm and ejaculate, he won’t be releasing any of the sperm itself.

The best news is that while it’s a long term solution (the gel will stay there for as long as it needs to) it can be easily reversed. So it can be used for contraception in the early stages of a relationship, then reversed if the couple decide to have children later down the line.

What’s the down side? 

If your’e thinking that sounds great! Sign me/my partner up straight away! you might want to pause for a second. It’s not quite as simple as a pill or a potion – Vasalgel involves an injection into the scrotum. A number of men have shied away from the idea, and writers such as Jessica Valenti have suggested that the injection could be a real stumbling block for guys who would otherwise have considered this contraceptive option.

What do you think – would you (or your partner) be happy to try Vasalgel? Or do you think that it is too invasive? Whether you’re a woman sick of taking all the responsibility (not to mention the effects that can come from taking hormonal contraception) this might sound like music to your ears. Or if you’re a guy who’s keen to be a pioneer of the new style of contraception, you might be counting the days until you can pop to the doctor for a quick injection, and guarantee you’re not going to make your partner pregnant.

In the meantime, though, there’s always condoms, and while Vasalgel might be the answer to your contraceptive questions, we bet it doesn’t come in cherry flavour.


Feminist porn – the rise of ethical sex

Feminist porn – the rise of ethical sex

Some people read erotica, some use their imaginations, and other prefer to get sexual inspiration from pictures and videos. The recent explosion of ethical porn is getting a lot of attention in the media this week, so we thought it’d be good to give an overview, and hopefully get your thoughts on the rise of feminist porn….

The BBC this week reported from the Feminist Porn Awards in Toronto – a gathering of filmmakers, performers, and others involved in the industry. If you’d asked most people about feminist porn ten years ago, many would stare at you in surprise – there were very few people championing the idea that porn could be produced by and for women.

What is ‘feminist porn’?

Recently we’ve seen a sharp increase in the amount of pornography created by, and aimed at, women. The idea of porn as something that men watch alone has been challenged by producers creating videos that are much more inclusive – a wider diversity of performers and scenarios, as well as explicit and obvious enthusiasm on the part of the performers.

Pandora Blake, owner of ethical porn site Dreams of Spanking, says “if it’s possible to have sex in a feminist way, it’s possible to record it in a feminist way.” This includes thinking about ‘female gaze’ – what straight women might like to see from a scene – as well as embracing people with body types and sexualitiues that are underrepresented in traditional porn.

What makes porn ethical?

This kind of pornography appeals strongly to those who have previously been turned off by the impression that the porn industry as a whole is exploitative. There’s an idea that in order for porn to be made, someone down the line has to be exploited – certainly financially, if not physically. The ethical porn pioneers are doing their best to challenge that.

Cindy Gallop, the founder of, is one of the pioneers trying to change that power balance. Her site is user-generated – couples upload videos of them having sex in the ways they enjoy, then other users pay to rent these films. There’s no director pushing people to take things further than they like, and no exaggerated enjoyment.

Cindy’s site was launched as a way to counter the impact she perceives of hardcore porn on our sex culture – to “counter the impact of porn as sex education” – as well as show that you don’t need to get ripped off if you’re working in the porn industry. Her website works on a revenue-sharing model, meaning those who make videos get a 50% share of the revenue they generate.

Ethical turn-ons?

The good news for all of us is that in recent years there has been much more discussion around pornography, and a rise in erotic products of all kinds – books, videos, sex toys and more. There’s now a huge range of material – from 50 Shades of Grey to ethical spanking films – catering to a broad range of sexual tastes.

There are still some people for whom porn will always be a turn off, as when it comes to sex everyone has different preferences. But do you think that the image of porn is changing? And are you more tempted by porn that’s been made by an ethical production team?


‘Get a bikini body’? No thanks. Here’s a better way to celebrate spring

‘Get a bikini body’? No thanks.

Here’s a better way to celebrate spring

Spring is in the air, we’ve all changed our clocks and the sun has (just about) come out. But one of the down sides of this time of year is that magazines start extolling the virtues of getting the ‘perfect bikini body’ and other such stressful nonsense.

When it’s not about your body, it’ll be how to twin a sundress with shades, or which new eyeshadow will give you the right spring look. The whole thing sounds quite exhausting, and not particularly fun.

Here at Belle de Soir we thought we’d give you a better start to the season. We’re not here to add another heap of pressure on you to ‘look great’ – instead here are our recommendations on how you can feel great.

Stimulating clitoral orgasms

The Odeco Eros 6 speed rechargeable vibe is designed for the perfect burst of clitoral stimulation. Leaf-shaped, it provides a large contact area which can be used in a variety of ways to help you get the most pleasurable feeling. It’s rechargeable too, so no need to keep replacing batteries.

Confidence boosting underwear

Although it makes a great gift, the vast majority of sexy underwear is bought by people who plan on wearing it themselves. There’s a good reason for that – wearing something beautiful underneath your clothes can give you a mental, as well as a physical, uplift.

So, to mark the start of a new season, why not treat yourself to something a bit special? We’d recommend this beautiful Roza Scarlet bra and thong set – currently on sale and available in black or white. It’s light, with delicate lace and pretty flowered detailing – perfect for a spring boost!

Have fun with someone else

Sometimes it’s all about having fun together, and with bank holidays around the corner, there’s plenty of free time to have fun with a partner.

The Lelo Ida Couples vibrator is a toy you can wear while you’re having sex, so both of you get to share the sensations. Inside there’s a circular G-spot massager, which massages in time to the powerful external vibrations of the twinned pressure pad.

This is on sale at the moment too, with nearly 」20 off the usual price. A great way to treat yourself or your partner so you can feel good together.

The ultimate orgasm


Of course no blog on treating yourself would be complete without mention of the Doxy ・ the toy that everyone is talking about at the moment. There’s a reason it’s so popular ・ this UK-made toy is the most powerful wand vibe on the market.

A sex toy reviewer recently contacted Rude Magazine to ask how she could wean herself off her Doxy ・ it was so good that apparently the rest of her toy collection was gathering dust. Far from advising her against it, though, agony aunt Dotti agreed, saying I’m not surprised you’ve lost interest in inferior models.” We can’t really disagree.

The Doxy normally sells on its own for £89.99, and on other sex toy sites that’s what you’ll get. But in recognition of the fact that… well… it’s pretty damn special, we’re bundling it together with a gorgeous Glass Worxx Crystal dildo and some premium lube for no extra cost.

Over £120 worth of goodies for just £89.99, including the ultimate in orgasmic joy? Definitely better than a bikini diet.

So ignore the sexist headlines and the pressure to look like you’ve just stepped out of a swimsuit advert – grab yourself a treat, and help us turn spring into the season of not just looking good, but feeling good.