Is your partner jealous of your sex toys?
This month is Adult Sex Ed Month – check out the AdultSexEd website for lots of great discussion on how to have better sex. As a contribution to greater adult sex education, GoodDirtyWoman put forward an interesting article from her archives all about sex toy insecurity.
Some of you may know the feeling, or have been on the receiving end of a bit of appendage anxiety. A nervous worry that a sex toy counts as a replacement – a new and different feeling that might usurp what you can do with your own body. As GWDM explains, it’s the idea that “Gee, you’ve got that. Why do you need me?”
Cara Sutra took on the topic as well, with a fairly surprising revelation that some people may go one step further, and think of private play with sex toys as ‘cheating’. Well, you’re technically getting an orgasm from something other than your beau, so is there a worry that it might count as infidelity?
Both bloggers offer a conclusive ‘hell no!’
Sex toys are nothing to be jealous of
The main reason, of course, is that sex is about far more than just pressing the right buttons or stimulating the perfect spots. Sex with a partner is about sharing pleasure and intimacy – giving and receiving and mutual enjoyment. A sex toy can no more replace a person than it can have its own orgasm.
The old cliché about sex toys not being able to put the bins out is true – there’s a hell of a lot more to a partnership than just the ins-and-outs, so to speak. Although we’re often understandably more nervous about being replaced for sex, there are plenty of other partnership roles that we’re happy to outsource without worrying that we’re being replaced. If you traditionally look after your partner by cooking delicious romantic meals, you probably wouldn’t worry about being replaced if you both ordered a takeaway every now and then, or if you popped out for the evening and your partner microwaved a ready meal.
The truth is that sex toys can be used for a million different reasons: one person might use a toy because it brings them to climax really efficiently, or because when they’re on their own they need something more substantial than their own hand. Another might only use sex toys to enhance stimulation while they’re having sex with their partner. In this case, being jealous of the toy itself constitutes a really wasted opportunity: while you’re sulking about the extras in the bedroom, you could instead be finding ways to use it to blow your partner’s mind.
Male partners using sex toys?
Until very recently, sex toys were presented as a very female thing – from the Sex and the City girls passing round a rabbit vibrator to house parties where women would choose the latest from a range of bullet vibes and dildos, male sex toys rarely got a look in.
Now, of course, male sex toys are hitting the mainstream in a big way – not just couple’s toys but plugs and sheaths that men can use on their own. Does this mean the debate on sex toy use will go away? With more men embracing sex toys, and both people in a couple enjoying solo sessions with a vibrator or a masturbation sheath, perhaps there will be fewer insecurities from both sides. Whether you’re male or female, in a straight couple or a gay one, we’d love to know your thoughts – are you or your partner uncomfortable with toys, or do you enjoy the added dimension in your sex life?